i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just want nice things and good sex
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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