I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
