Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
