I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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