I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
