he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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