I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
