What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
