cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
