so that wasnt chicken after all
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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