Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
