I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
