I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
