Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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