i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
