Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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