I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
