thus making me awesome and them whores
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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