the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She's JV to your varsity
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
