I hate your face
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
