then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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