I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
