Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
