they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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