i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
