She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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