There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
