he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Text me some of your sweat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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