Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
