come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
