woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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