Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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