Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night