I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
