Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (204) Good night (118240) Bad night (3665)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out

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  (718): you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out http://tfl.nu/3q0w
  Replies (18) Good night (5313) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.

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  (225): I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along. http://tfl.nu/uoya
  Replies (24) Good night (3188) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

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  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3834) Bad night (4403)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"

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  (508): You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper" http://tfl.nu/17it
  Replies (22) Good night (1359) Bad night (3338)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

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  (631): She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom. http://tfl.nu/uq6s
  Replies (22) Good night (6654) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...

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  (480): you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future... http://tfl.nu/18be
  Replies (5) Good night (1708) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.

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  (416): We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time. http://tfl.nu/y0p3
  Replies (2) Good night (1234) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.

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  (571): You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow. http://tfl.nu/1kas
  Replies (5) Good night (1148) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.

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  (715): i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy. http://tfl.nu/dafx
  Replies (0) Good night (933) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background

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  (204): You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background http://tfl.nu/bshd
  Replies (1) Good night (511) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.

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  (865): Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville. http://tfl.nu/d4yv
  Replies (3) Good night (677) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick

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  (818): Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick http://tfl.nu/tc3y
  Replies (0) Good night (747) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?

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  (425): He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions? http://tfl.nu/lmc7
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.

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  (703): Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex. http://tfl.nu/3doz
  Replies (2) Good night (738) Bad night (356)

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