And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?