Texts From Last Night

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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.

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  (252): I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real. http://tfl.nu/u784
  Replies (20) Good night (849) Bad night (3268)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..

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  (443): 8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath.. http://tfl.nu/przo
  Replies (44) Good night (3691) Bad night (1798)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?

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  (575): is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song? http://tfl.nu/y2bo
  Replies (63) Good night (3797) Bad night (1223)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge

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  (704): I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge http://tfl.nu/naaa
  Replies (21) Good night (6936) Bad night (637)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

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  (970): i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final http://tfl.nu/shle
  Replies (34) Good night (1087) Bad night (5622)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?

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  (906): How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum? http://tfl.nu/z56i
  Replies (56) Good night (1166) Bad night (9920)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.

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  (630): Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music. http://tfl.nu/mqx0
  Replies (12) Good night (3234) Bad night (1265)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.

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  (512): Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky. http://tfl.nu/on0b
  Replies (17) Good night (5841) Bad night (1695)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"

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  (269): its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot" http://tfl.nu/fb26
  Replies (11) Good night (5257) Bad night (1032)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.

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  (775): It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/xv2l
  Replies (11) Good night (2165) Bad night (1643)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.

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  (815): I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk. http://tfl.nu/8nn3
  Replies (14) Good night (3534) Bad night (1017)
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  (408): View more from California

  Your text makes more sense read in reverse.

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  (408): Your text makes more sense read in reverse. http://tfl.nu/i737
  Replies (4) Good night (725) Bad night (343)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning

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  (631): Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning http://tfl.nu/npjx
  Replies (2) Good night (472) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.

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  (540): I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being. http://tfl.nu/xpnl
  Replies (1) Good night (352) Bad night (665)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter

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  (617): We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter http://tfl.nu/tvcg
  Replies (0) Good night (715) Bad night (263)

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