I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
