i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
