now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
