If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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