know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
