i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
