Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
