I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Randomize
