Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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