Can Purell be used as lube?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
