U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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