i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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