I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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