...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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