Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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