New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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