really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
