Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god

(202): View more from Washington, DC

you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary

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(202): I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god (202): you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary http://tfl.nu/3z0i

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

(503): View more from Oregon

Succeeded.

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(404): I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life? (503): Succeeded. http://tfl.nu/i020

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(315): View more from New York

I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him

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(315): I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him http://tfl.nu/jvcn

Replies (7) Good night (1279) Bad night (2526)
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(618): View more from Illinois

The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

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(618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly

Replies (412) Good night (26627) Bad night (3764)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.

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(412): I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8. http://tfl.nu/h2aq

Replies (17) Good night (8451) Bad night (1045)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked

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(613): I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked http://tfl.nu/dann

Replies (6) Good night (3683) Bad night (1076)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.

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(330): Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car. http://tfl.nu/8rap

Replies (6) Good night (2696) Bad night (915)
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(404): View more from Georgia

All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.

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(404): All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen. http://tfl.nu/mg75

Replies (2) Good night (2377) Bad night (899)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..

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(701): Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover.. http://tfl.nu/al9t

Replies (9) Good night (1683) Bad night (1079)
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(303): View more from Colorado

New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...

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(303): New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later... http://tfl.nu/qijg

Replies (4) Good night (1049) Bad night (402)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.

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(919): Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties. http://tfl.nu/7t6a

Replies (9) Good night (1676) Bad night (438)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.

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(312): Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it. http://tfl.nu/okpd

Replies (5) Good night (643) Bad night (416)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths

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(734): I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths http://tfl.nu/fyxi

Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (456)
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(302): View more from Delaware

you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."

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(302): you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy." http://tfl.nu/exq4

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight

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(252): I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight http://tfl.nu/i3ic

Replies (0) Good night (217) Bad night (457)

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