I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.