Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.

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  (973): don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping. http://tfl.nu/d4lu
  Replies (15) Good night (892) Bad night (2191)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

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  (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits. http://tfl.nu/amvg
  Replies (42) Good night (5131) Bad night (673)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

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  (813): y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all. http://tfl.nu/2iln
  Replies (125) Good night (15188) Bad night (1354)
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  (408): View more from California

  I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...

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  (408): I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal... http://tfl.nu/6umq
  Replies (4) Good night (859) Bad night (3050)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u

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  (401): Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u http://tfl.nu/jall
  Replies (21) Good night (4178) Bad night (986)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.

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  (404): Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out. http://tfl.nu/ejyb
  Replies (4) Good night (831) Bad night (1427)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.

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  (320): So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian. http://tfl.nu/850i
  Replies (2) Good night (1160) Bad night (707)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?

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  (306): My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck? http://tfl.nu/wbbs
  Replies (6) Good night (719) Bad night (460)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.

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  (910): I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend. http://tfl.nu/txzp
  Replies (4) Good night (543) Bad night (960)
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  (562): View more from California

  I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You are not an adult

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  (562): I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride. (416): You are not an adult http://tfl.nu/skb0
  Replies (2) Good night (1193) Bad night (319)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".

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  (678): After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box". http://tfl.nu/z4mv
  Replies (5) Good night (1443) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.

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  (309): Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign. http://tfl.nu/lj4r
  Replies (5) Good night (302) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her

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  (+44): I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her http://tfl.nu/5w2j
  Replies (0) Good night (288) Bad night (185)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind

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  (517): how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind http://tfl.nu/fj2o
  Replies (4) Good night (259) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.

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  (310): You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar. http://tfl.nu/4wxt
  Replies (4) Good night (945) Bad night (526)

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