Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?

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(240): View more from Maryland

Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

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(626): View more from California

One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska

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(602): View more from Arizona

Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?

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(917): View more from New York City

This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.

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(773): View more from Illinois

In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex

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