My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!