dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing