ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just pee around me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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