New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A bitchslap is in order.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
please don't ironically join a cult
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