I'm so fucking centered right now
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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