Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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