I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish you could order shots online.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Houston, we have a squirter
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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