my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
