Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
