Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
