Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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