well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
