kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
