my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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