We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
