Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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