I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
