Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He felt like a one man threesome
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
