you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
