it's like iHOP with fire
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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